All Good Things... A Farewell

Dear Reader,

I have decided to go back to Canada a good deal earlier than I had originally anticipated in order to finish off my Master's thesis, and so this shall be my very last blog post. It has been a very unique few months to say the least here at Suzhou University (SuDa), but I feel my time would be better used back in Canada working towards the completion of my degree. For this final blog post, I will list some things that I will miss - and not miss- about my life here in Suzhou, China.

What I Won't Miss:

A Lack of Manners

Not even picking up after his dog...

It's the Chinese way to have very little in the way of a filter between what you think and what you say, at least when it comes to foreigners. Many Chinese will quite happily call you a stupid, fat, foreigner - or worse - right to your face, and refer to you as such in front of their co-workers and friends because they automatically assume that foreigners cannot speak any Chinese whatsoever. While it can be very rewarding to cut into them using Mandarin, the temporary satisfaction does not make up for the fact that it just keeps on happening, and happening, and happening.

Something funny about the Chinese is how they often love commenting on the exact same things about people. In my case, this is generally about the fact that I am still wearing shorts in the winter. According to them, the winters in Suzhou are very, very cold, but I don't feel it at all.

Autumn

Winter

I've probably had the exact same conversation about my not being cold at least seventy times over the past two months, to the point where I had the entire conversation memorized right down to the Chinese facial expressions!

What is worse, however, is the noise, not caused so much by the Chinese, but rather by the other foreign students on campus.

There are many Koreans studying here at SuDa. So many, in fact, that most of the signs for foreigners around campus have Korean more often than English:

If you couldn't read either  Chinese characters or  Korean (underlined in blue), you were screwed  using the laundry!

There is this song called "Gangnam Style," which happens to be extremely popular right now, being the most watched video in Youtube history. If you haven't seen it, here's the music video:

Many of these Korean students love to party nearly every night of the week, and they always connect their iPods and laptops with their music libraries (which is mostly Gangnam Style and various remixes of it) to high-end speakers, which they then crank up to their maximum volume and base settings to the point where literally everybody in the dorm building can hear it. 

The din of their constant partying, of course, makes genuine studying a statistical impossibility. To make matters worse, despite the constants complaints from many of other dormitory residents, our ayi (阿姨，dorm carecakers) and our university administration have refused to do anything about to matter. And speaking of ayis...

"Free" Accommodation

According to the information that was given to me about my scholarship - these rules also apply to every other foreigner who has a scholarship in China - our rooms are supposed to be absolutely free, with us not having to pay for anything. However, my so-called free accommodation here at SuDa is far from it, as we students are forcibly charged for our electricity and our internet usage. If we do not pay our 'bill', our electricity gets turned off, period. The university even had the gall to make use coin-operated washing machines.

Coin-operated washing machines in a country where getting coins is absurdly difficult. Thanks, SuDa!

The university also charges little user fees here and there for things like official forms - which are also supposed to be free - and medical examinations - which are supposed to be covered and not paid by us or our scholarship money. I'll be very happy to leave this corrupt little racket behind.

At least the ayi had a nice smile when you paid her!

Classes

The Chinese language school for foreigners

SuDa has acceptable Chinese classes for foreigners if you are interested in learning the very basics of the language, or wish to learn "business Chinese." I already have good grasp of the basics - having studied the language since I was 18 - and have no interest in learning 'business' vocabulary. My interests are more academic, and the particulars of the Chinese language that I wish to learn - that is, the more classical aspects of the language - are not available here at SuDa. It also didn't help matters that the teachers I was stuck with were not interested in discussing any more esoteric or academic topics in Chinese, and were rather adamant about sticking to the dull-as-ditchwater textbooks.

Health Standards

Growing up in the sterile and extremely clean environment of a first-world nation, I doubt I'll ever be able to accept what the Chinese accept as 'clean.' Take this bathroom, for example:

The spitting is another matter. In traditional Chinese society, it is seen as disgusting to swallow your own saliva, so everybody from the youngest child to the oldest person spits. That by itself is off-putting by itself, but the Chinese tend to go about spitting in a very ritualistic way by loudly hocking their saliva up before actually spitting. It is especially lovely when you hear this sound behind you, because you have to wonder if any of that saliva is about to end up on your clothing or in your hair! Humorously, this is a habit the Chinese government has been trying to get rid of for years, so I'm obviously not alone in my disgust:

One thing I never mentioned in any of posts before is just how nasty Chinese viruses and bacteria can be. I've had to struggle almost the entire time I've been here with constantly getting sick. If it wasn't some nasty cold, it was a fever; if it wasn't a nasty cough, it was a it was a sore throat. Not being constantly sick is something I'll be very grateful for.

You'd be surprised how fast I depleted my medical supplies

With all of my griping out of the way, let's start mentioning the things I'll miss!

Things I'll miss:

Food

Despite one or two issues, I will honestly miss most of the food here in Suzhou. It is cheap, delicious, and nutritious, so what more could one ask for? At the university - as well as just off campus - the places are all heavily subsidized by the government, thus making the food exceptionally cheap, even for Chinese standards. I generally spend no more than 50-70-RMB (about $10-15 Canadian) per week on food, and it is very filling.

I especially love the vendors and hole-in-the-wall restaurants all over the place that sell a wonderful variety of Chinese goodies, such as egg-filled wraps (鸡蛋灌饼)...

...Chinese "burgers" ( 肉夹馍)...

... dumplings (包子)...

...Chinese meat-kebabs (肉串)...

... and, of course, malatang (麻辣烫).

Unless you have actually eaten Chinese food in China, you have never truly eaten. The stuff everybody in Canada and the US eats at Chinese restaurants - and I can speak from experience here - is a watered-down, flavorless bastardization of the real deal, generally because the Chinese assume we are a bunch of sissies who cannot eat their 'real' food. Thus, I'm going to genuinely miss having access to all this great food.

At least China's most popular restaurant will still be available in Canada!

Transportation

Transportation in China is both easily accessible and cheap, even if you only have a very basic grasp of the language. Taxis are available everywhere for reasonable prices, and can take you anywhere extremely fast.

If they think you can speak Chinese, taxi drivers will also provide you with a rather humorous conversation partner!

If you're feeling too stingy for a taxi, the bus and metro systems in the cities are also top-notch, with stations for both found all over Suzhou. I think it's hilarious I am more familiar with the bus system here in Suzhou than I am in my own home town!

Xiangmen (相门) bus station, which I became very familiar with

Finally, I cannot finish this section without waxing poetic about the Chinese train system, which is by far the best and most efficient train system I have ever seen - and I've traveled across continental Europe by train!

Taken 2006

The tickets for the Chinese trains are reasonably priced, the trains themselves are all well taken care of, and go extremely fast to get to you to your destination, often going several hundred kilometers per hour. I was  told that - back in the China of the 1980s - it used to take at least eight hours for a train to get from Shanghai to Nanjing. Now, it can be done in less than two!

Canada has a rail system as well, but it is both expensive and slow, and simply nowhere near a great as China's railways.

Teaching

I never though in my wildest dreams that I would not only end up teaching kindergartners  but enjoy doing it as well. When I was a teenager, I always loathed the idea of even having to babysit other kids, wanting nothing more than to give them a good kick to shut them up.

I most certainly didn't feel that when teaching these kids, however. I was able to play a lot of really fun games, direct a classroom, and figure out just how hard teachers have to work to keep order in their classrooms.

Of course there was the occasional annoying and rowdy child, but I honestly enjoyed every single day that I taught these kids English, and I will really miss them.

The money was great too!

Friends

What can I say, other than I'll terribly miss the friends I've made while here.

While it is a veritable United Nations of people here, I ended up befriending more Latinos - and Latinas - than any other group of people. I can probably thank my roommate Miguel for this, who ended up being as great a roommate as I could have ever hoped for. Also, even though I can speak some Spanish, it aggravated me to no end that I didn't study more Spanish after I graduated high school.

Miguel (Mexico) and Alan (Argentina) would have probably preferred my knowing more Spanish as well!

While I didn't become friends with any Chinese students, I did end up befriending the guards that take care of the main entrance to SuDa's eastern campus, to the point where we knew one another by name. It was always a real treat bantering with them about their lives and their very long days.

I'll also miss the fellow kindergarten teachers that I befriended, Nela, from Mexcio, who got me the teaching job in the first place...

...Christy, from Ireland, who was one of my co-workers...

The red-haired fellow, not our waiter who also wanted to be in the photo

...and Michael, a really strange young man from Texas who loved endlessly talking about conspiracy theories...

Artistic interpretation

I had a lot of fun conversing with all of them about their experiences both teaching and living in China, and experiencing China from a radically different way than just a mere student.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I'd like to thank all of you for reading my blog posts and learning about my experiences these past few months. It has been a pleasure to share my life in Suzhou in this format with you all. With that, I bid you all adieu from the Venice of the East!

Ma'Ke Laoshi (Teacher Mark)

I have a secret. Well, it's not a very well-hidden secret, but it's a secret I've been keeping from my my peers at the university. For the past three weeks, I have been working as a teacher for a kindergarten, teaching kids from the age of 3 to 6 simple English words and phrases.

Me at the entrance to the school

It all started four weeks ago today, after I got back to my dormitory from another grueling day of Chinese classes. I was all ready to sit down in front of my computer and read my e-book copy of The Hobbit for the 37th time study, when Miguel, my roommate, asked me if I was interested in some part-time work teaching kids English. Miguel's English is not exactly fluent, so I just thought I misunderstood him. This didn't turn out to be the case, as Miguel had another Mexican friend, a young lady named Marianela - or just "Nela" for short - was looking for native English speakers to fill out a part-time teaching position teaching little children English. 

The kids busily 'learning' English

When Miguel asked me again, I wasn't quite sure how to respond. I need to make a few things clear before I continue: Over my years of studying Chinese language and culture, I have run into a good number of folks who have taught English overseas in China, South Korea, and Japan. Despite their experiences being generally quite good, I never once considered trying out that line of work myself. This was mainly because I considered the whole enterprise to be an absolute waste of my time. As far as I was concerned, there was no foreseeable financial gain to bring back to Canada, and it would simply distract me from achieving my real career goals back home. Finally, I never thought I had the proper disposition for dealing with kids, as my natural reaction to rowdiness and 'fun' is to crush it with the proverbial wrath of an angry god.

Me - "How dare you have fun!"

Despite my misgivings, I decided to meet with Miguel's friend Nela to further discuss this opportunity.

The kids at play

Meeting with Nela proved to be a very useful choice, as I was told what I would really be doing was spending two-and-a-half hours (1.30-4PM) from Monday to Friday teaching several different classes of kindergartners English. While I would be provided with a book to teach with, the "curriculum" was largely up for me to decide - Nela bluntly told me that you're really just entertaining and playing games with the kids, as they hardly had a good grasp of Chinese at their ages, let alone English. I also learned what my salary would be for this job, which added up to me being paid almost as much in a week as I was for an entire month of my scholarship earnings! Better yet, I would be paid directly in cash, without the need to open any bank accounts here in China, or having to pay any taxes.

What was going on in my mind as I was told about the salary

The job seemed both easy and interesting, and so I went with Nela to the home office of my new employer, "Hong N English" (洪恩英语).

When I first saw the office, I though "what a small school..."

After a very short interview with a older woman named "Mrs. Chan" - who insisted I speak only English to her despite her English skills being terrible and my Chinese good enough to have an interview with her - I signed a contract for a four-month employment period that is due to finish on December 15th of this year. I also insisted that be allowed to see a teaching demonstration from the young man whom I was replacing - an Irish fellow named Christy who happens to speak less Chinese than the kindergartners spoke English. 

Christy preparing to teach

Thus, the following day, I went to the office, and hopped in a beat up-looking van - that I was supposed to be taken in every day - off to the school.

Inside the van - on the left is our driver (a Chinese fellow who insists I call him 'Michael'), and to the right is Nela

Once we go to the school, named 3+3 - or 三之三 in Chinese - I learned that I would be teaching three different levels of children divided according to their age groups: the Newton Class (ages 5-6), the Einstein Class (ages 3-4), and the Zhang Heng Class (ages 2-3). Every day, I would have to teach two groups of Newton classes for half an hour each, four groups of Einstein classes for twenty minutes each, and one Zhang Heng class for ten minutes per day. This knowledge in hand, I entered my first classes with Christy to see what a usual day would be for me. Rather than describing what Christy did, however, I will show you two videos of a very similar style of teaching:

It was one of the strangest experiences I've ever seen, as Christy spent most of the class just screwing around with the kids, and teaching them some random words and phrases. While it wasn't nearly as hilarious as Donnie's kindergarten class in the above videos, it was pretty close in terms of what was taught.

The 'teaching structure' that we teachers apparently teach these kids. Nowhere does it say, however, that we must teach the kids how to 'dougie.'

The 'textbooks" I was given were not of much use either, as they were obviously ripped off from a western-kindergarten book, and expect you to draaaaaaaaaag out teaching these kids extremely simple words:

These two pages constitute a week-long 'unit'

Regardless of my complaints about the textbook, teaching these kids has proven to be one of the most entertaining experiences I've ever had. That is not to say teaching them is not tiring, because it most certainly is exhausting, but teaching these kids fills me with a lot more joy and fulfillment than I gained attending my Chinese classes - the very reason I came here to Suzhou in the first place! 

One of the hallways in the school leading to my first kindergarten class of the day

What makes the classes even better for me is that I don't have to worry about keeping order in any of the classes whatsoever, since each class is assigned one or two Chinese Teaching Assistants - who speak less English than the kids - to keep the kids on track - usually through hitting them and yelling at them very loudly in Chinese - and leaves me free to be the big, harmless foreigner!

The woman in the white shirt there doesn't hesitate to use that hairbrush in her hand for more than hair brushing...

The preparation for these classes is extremely easy, though you must be able to change your plans on the fly, as some of the activities you planned for the day may not turn out as well as you hoped. For instance, I tried to teach the kids body parts to the tune of of the song "Blessed Assurance," but I quickly realized the kids could not differentiate between the body parts and the words "this is my," as many of them were simply referring to their noses or legs as "thisismy."

My reaction when I realized what I'd done

I also quickly realized that I needed to add in props to my teaching repertoire to keep these kids attentive and entertained, and so I created a 'game' where I have the kids sing a dumbed-down line from a song - like "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" - and use a set of 'magical chopsticks' and randomly pick the kids one after another to repeat a rehearsed word in English.

The front gate of the school

I also figured I'd follow Christy's (and Donnie's) lead, and teach the kids some original words and phrases or my own. Being that I'm an ubernerd, I decided to teach the kids some English from things I enjoy, such as Star Trek...

...and Star Wars...

... and Friends...

I can't wait to teach them some stuff from Lord of the Rings next!

Just imagine all those little kids screaming Gandalf's line "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" in unison.

Until next time!